My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'

My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.

I finally achieved financial stability.

Now I can afford the premium subscription to my anxiety app.

I'm really trying to get my finances in order.

But my most expensive hobby is currently 'being alive.'