💘 Valentine's Day Joke of the Day

I've been practicing my Valentine's Day skills

by lovingly cooking a solo meal, and then arguing with myself over who left the dishes in the sink

Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna

Why did the chocolate go to therapy on Valentine's Day?

Because it was feeling a little melted under the pressure

Some people spend Valentine's Day searching for their soulmate.

I'm just trying to decide if my soulmate is the pizza delivery guy or the remote control.

Are you a Valentine's Day cookie?

Because you're sugar sweet and I want to be the sprinkles on your heart

Are you a Valentine's Day cookie? Because you're the crumb to my heart and I dough-n't want to be without you.

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.

But since it's Valentine's Day, I'd say you're a *sweet* potato!

My Valentine's Day plans are pretty romantic, actually.

It involves me, a blanket, and a very serious, committed relationship with my takeout menu.