Dad Joke Archive

I have a strong dislike for elevators.

They're always bringing me down.

My computer just coughed, I think it has a byte-er infection.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes; she gave me a hug.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

So, I was trying out a new recipe for dinner last night, and let's just say it didn't quite go as planned. I ended up burning everything to a crisp, and the smoke alarm was practically screaming at me.

It was an *oven*-tful evening, to say the least!

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a...

...complete waist of time.

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

So, I was at the bakery this morning, picking up some fresh bread for breakfast. The baker was telling me about how early he has to start every day to get everything ready.

I guess he really kneads his job.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.

I was at the beach with my family, and we spent the day building sandcastles and collecting seashells. As we were walking along the shore, we came across a big sandcastle that had been washed away by the waves, leaving just a small mound of sand behind. My kids were disappointed, but I just chuckled and said

I guess that castle just couldn't weather the storm!

I was helping my kids with their science project, trying to grow crystals in a jar. We carefully mixed the solution and waited for what felt like forever for the crystals to form. As we were observing the jar, I started thinking about the process of crystal formation and how it's all about finding the right balance of ingredients and conditions.

I guess you could say it was a 'gem' of a project!

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh!

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.

I'm having a grape time at the wine tasting, it's a fruit-ful experience.

I'm a baker and I'm feeling crumby today

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired!

I was trying to learn a new song on my guitar the other day, spending hours practicing. My fingers were really starting to hurt from pressing down on all those strings and trying to get the melody just right.

It was quite a fretting experience!