Dad Joke Archive

I've been reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I'm trying to start a band, but it's a treble-making process.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

...then it hit me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I told him, 'I guess I'm just feeling a little *depresso*!'

I went to the orchard and saw an apple tree with a ladder leaning against it.

I guess it wanted to take its fruit to a higher level.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

She said, "That's a waist of good bread!"

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

I guess you could say it was having a paws-itive correlation between its eyesight and its purr-manent blindness.

I tried to catch a fish with my bare hands

But it was a reel challenge

What do you call a magician who lost his magic?

Ian.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired!

My bike is always tired because it's two-tired.

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

I'm trying to start a career as a baker, but I'm struggling to knead the dough.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby about my new diet.