🏆 Best Dad Jokes of All Time

I'm trying to start a band, but it's a treble-making process.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I told him, 'I guess I'm just feeling a little *depresso*!'

I went to the orchard and saw an apple tree with a ladder leaning against it.

I guess it wanted to take its fruit to a higher level.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

She said, "That's a waist of good bread!"

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

I guess you could say it was having a paws-itive correlation between its eyesight and its purr-manent blindness.

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a guy selling shells. He had all sorts of shells, from big conch shells to tiny clam shells. My kid asked him how he managed to collect so many

and he said it was a shell of a job!

Why did the calendar get invited to all the parties?

Because it had so many dates!

I've been reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

...then it hit me.

I tried to catch a fish with my bare hands

But it was a reel challenge

What do you call a magician who lost his magic?

Ian.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired!

My bike is always tired because it's two-tired.

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

I'm trying to start a career as a baker, but I'm struggling to knead the dough.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby today.

I'm a baker, and I'm feeling crumby about my new diet.

What do you call a factory that makes good products?

A satisfactory!

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

Why did the math book look sad?

Because it had too many problems.

Why did the clock go to the therapist?

It had too many ticks.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore.

Why did the stairs always get in trouble?

Because they were always up to something!

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.

Why was the broom late?

It overswept!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh!

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate.

Why did the baker break up with his girlfriend?

Because he kneaded space.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry!

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing!

What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

Why did the music teacher need a ladder?

To reach the high notes.

Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed.

Why was the computer cold?

Because it left its Windows open.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired!

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador!

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!