Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

I was trying to help your mom put together this new bookshelf she bought online. The instructions were really complicated, and it had about a million little pieces.

After an hour of struggling, she threw her hands up and said, 'I just can't make sense of it!' I said, 'Well, honey, sometimes you just have to *shelf* your frustrations for a bit and try again!'

Why was the computer cold?

Because it left its Windows open.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!