I went to the ocean and saw a shell that was having an identity crisis

It was feeling a little shell-shocked

My son came home from school yesterday looking a bit deflated. He told me he'd really struggled with his math test, especially the questions about decimals and fractions.

I told him he just needed to get to the point.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.