Why was the computer cold?

Because it left its Windows open.

So I was watching a nature show with the kids about different kinds of trees, and we saw some really tall ones. My daughter asked me if all trees were good at remembering things.

I told her, 'No, only the ones with good mem-oaks!'

I was trying to start a garden in my backyard, but I was having trouble getting the seeds to grow. I checked the soil, the sunlight, and the watering schedule, but nothing seemed to be working. I decided to consult with a gardening expert, who told me the problem was

I wasn't planting the seeds deep enough, I guess you could say I wasn't getting to the root of the problem.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.