I'm shell-shocked by how much I spent on seashells at the beach today

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I bought a bunch of bananas at the store yesterday, but when I got home, I noticed one of them looked really sad and bruised. It was practically falling apart.

I guess it was feeling un-peel-y.

I told my wife I was going to make a belt out of bread dough.

She said, "That's a waist of good bread!"