Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two-tired!