I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I just got a raise, but it's all going to inflation

so basically I'm just getting paid in nostalgia for the prices of 2019

I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'

I've been trying to develop a self-care routine in therapy

But so far, it just consists of apologizing to my plants for neglecting them