I love how on Valentine's Day, restaurants add a special surcharge

for being lonely together

Are you a Valentine's Day heart-shaped balloon?

Because you're inflating my expectations of love and I don't want you to pop out of my life.

This Valentine's Day, while couples are gazing into each other's eyes...

I'll be gazing lovingly into the bottom of a pizza box.

I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty