Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

What did the chocolate bar say to its Valentine?

I'm nuts about you!

I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.

But since it's Valentine's Day, I'd say you're a *sweet* potato!