My dad says his garage isn't messy; it's a carefully curated archaeological dig site.

He knows exactly where the chisel from '87 is, but can't find his car keys from five minutes ago.

My dad's neighbors think he's a professional landscaper

but really he just has a lot of free time and a riding lawn mower

I asked my dad what he was most proud of as a father on Father's Day

He said it wasn't the achievements or milestones, but the fact that I still come to him for advice, even though I never take it

I asked my dad if the burgers were ready on Father's Day.

He just flipped one with his tongs and said, 'Not yet! They're still trying to *meat* my expectations!'