I've been trying to adult by following boomer advice

But it turns out 'investing in myself' just means I'm $50,000 in debt with a degree and a Peloton

I asked my manager why our meeting couldn't have been an email

And they said 'because then we wouldn't have had the opportunity to synergize our thought processes and disrupt the paradigm of traditional communication'

I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient'

which is easy to say when your mortgage is paid off and avocado toast was 50 cents

I've been working on my emotional intelligence in therapy

Now I can identify at least five different ways I'm avoiding my feelings at any given time.