In my family, the most competitive event at Thanksgiving isn't football or eating the most pie.

It's seeing who can fall asleep on the couch first after dinner.

Alright everyone, as I get ready to carve this magnificent turkey...

...I just want to warn you all that I'm about to make some *cutting remarks*.

The hardest part about Thanksgiving dinner at our house isn't the political debates or the burnt rolls.

It's trying to discreetly unbutton your pants under the table without anyone noticing.

Why did the cranberry sauce go to the party?

Because it was a berry good dancer!