Why did Cupid get kicked out of the bakery?

Because he kept trying to target all the sweethearts!

I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty

Are you a Valentine's Day rose?

Because you're a little prickly, but I'm still stuck on you

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

...but my preferred Valentine's gift is a streaming service that doesn't ask 'Are you still watching?' because it *knows* I am.