I love how marriage is all about finding someone who accepts you for who you are

until you leave the cap off the toothpaste, then suddenly you're a completely different person

When my wife and I were dating, she used to say I was such a great listener, I'd often finish her sentences.

Now, I just finish her snacks.

I've always thought marriage is a lot like a co-op video game.

You start off with your own individual objectives, then you quickly realize the only way to beat the level is to combine your resources, share the loot, and occasionally sacrifice your own character for the greater good – usually by letting your partner have the last slice of pizza.

I asked the groom how he's preparing for married life

He said he's been practicing saying 'yes dear' in front of the mirror, and I think he's finally got it down to a blink