They say the secret to a long and happy marriage is communication.

And by 'communication,' I mean eventually understanding exactly what your partner wants without them having to say a single word. Usually, that word is 'coffee' or 'the remote.'

I've noticed that marriage is a lot like a computer update

At first, it's exciting and full of new features, but eventually, it just takes up a lot of space and sometimes freezes on you.

I love how marriage is all about finding someone who accepts you for who you are

until you leave the cap off the toothpaste, then suddenly you're a completely different person

I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like, 'Honey, can I turn the thermostat down?' is actually just code for 'Can I still be in charge of something?'