I tried to make a joke about bread, but I kneaded to work on it.

I went to the doctor and said, 'Doc, I've got a problem, I've been feeling a little horse lately'

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a big sandcastle that someone had built. The kids were impressed by how tall it was, and we started talking about who could have made it. I joked that it must have been a professional builder, and then I saw the sign next to it that said

it was a 'castle' in the sand, built by a 'grain' architect

I'm shell-shocked by how much I spent on seashells at the beach today