I'm celebrating Valentine's Day this year by

reorganizing my Netflix queue into 'lonely nights' and 'even lonelier nights' categories.

Do you have a Valentine's Day sweetheart?

Because you're a-maize-ing and I'm corny for you!

Are you a heart?

Because you're absolutely vital for pumping blood throughout my circulatory system.

I've started calling Valentine's Day something new

Singles Awareness Day, but that's just a fancy way of saying Tuesday