I asked my dad to write a letter to me and my siblings for Father's Day, but with one condition: he had to write it as if it were his last piece of advice to us.

He wrote a single sentence: 'Don't forget to mow the lawn, it's supposed to rain next week.'

I caught my dad talking to the thermostat again

I guess you could say he's trying to have a degree of control over the conversation

I asked my dad what he wanted for Father's Day.

He just wants an afternoon at the hardware store with no specific project in mind, just 'inspiration browsing'.

I asked my dad if the burgers were ready on Father's Day.

He just flipped one with his tongs and said, 'Not yet! They're still trying to *meat* my expectations!'