I've noticed that since getting married, my wife and I have started to

finish each other's arguments.

We hired a wedding planner to help us stay organized and on budget.

Now we just need to hire a therapist to deal with the wedding planner.

I asked the happy couple what their secret to a harmonious marriage was, and they told me it's all about compromise.

Which is just a nice way of saying they're both still learning to pretend to listen to each other.

I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like saying 'honey, can I watch the game?' when what I really mean is 'can I ignore you for three hours?'