I've been trying to find my perfect match on dating apps

but so far, it's just been a series of swipes, disappointment, and proof that my friends were wrong when they said I'm a catch

I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a blooming good time

Why did the cookie go to the doctor on Valentine's Day?

Because it felt crumby and wanted a sweet diagnosis