I just turned the age my parents were when they bought their first house.

I just hit 'add to cart' on a new houseplant.

My boss told me to 'leverage my personal brand' to help the company grow.

I told him my personal brand is 'exhausted and questioning everything'.

My boss just scheduled a meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting,

and honestly, I think my soul just filed its own resignation.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.