I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

management decided to schedule a meeting to discuss how well it's going

My parents asked if I'm saving for a down payment.

I told them I'm saving for the societal collapse – feels more realistic.

I'm trying to adult, but the housing market is tough

I've got a 401k, but it's just a list of 401 reasons I'll never own a home