My parents told me to 'just pull myself up by my bootstraps.'

My boots are from Target and the straps broke two months ago.

I've been practicing mindfulness in therapy to manage my anxiety

now I'm aware of every thought, including the one that says I'm still not doing the dishes

My dad told me to save 10% of every paycheck for my future.

Right now, my paycheck *is* 10% of what I need for my present.

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption