I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this point, I'm just trying to afford the therapy sessions to deal with the fact that I'll never own a house

My manager told me to 'optimize my passion' for the company.

But honestly, my only passion right now is optimizing my sleep schedule.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that would ruin the 'synergy' of watching each other drink coffee for 15 minutes

My boomer parents told me the secret to success was to 'pull myself up by my bootstraps.'

I'm still trying to find a pair of boots I can afford.