My therapist told me I need healthier coping mechanisms.

So I started doom-scrolling for articles about healthy coping mechanisms.

My dad told me to save 10% of every paycheck for my future.

Right now, my paycheck *is* 10% of what I need for my present.

I asked my boomer friend for investment advice

He told me to buy a house, I told him I'd rather buy a Lambo, at least then I'd have a vehicle to sleep in

My manager told us, 'we're a family here.'

So I asked for an advance on my inheritance, and he said, 'Let's circle back on that.'