I'm trying to start a family, but the only thing I can afford to nurture is my debt

Our CEO said we're a family here, so

I'm waiting for my vacation days to be paid in hugs and apologies for making me work on Thanksgiving.

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My therapist said I need to validate my own emotions.

So my emotions validated that I needed another nap.