I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My therapist said my avoidant attachment style keeps me from genuine connection.

So naturally, I've just been avoiding their emails.

I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this point, I'm just trying to afford the therapy sessions to deal with the fact that I'll never own a house