I'm trying to buy a house, but it seems like the only thing I can afford is the Zillow subscription

My mom keeps telling me to 'just buy a starter home.'

I told her the only starter home I can afford is the one in Monopoly.

I'm trying to follow the classic boomer advice to 'invest in real estate'

but the only property I can afford is a timeshare in my parents' basement

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update,

but my manager said that would undermine the 'synergy' we create by all staring at each other in silence for 15 minutes.