I've been working really hard to build my personal brand.

Turns out my personal brand is just 'tired.'

I'm really trying to get my finances in order.

But my most expensive hobby is currently 'being alive.'

My parents asked if I'm saving for a down payment.

I told them I'm saving for the societal collapse – feels more realistic.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that would ruin the 'synergy' of watching each other drink coffee for 15 minutes