I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into photography'

But his Instagram was just 12 pictures of himself, and one blurry sunset

He said his ideal partner was someone 'spontaneous and adventurous,' someone who 'isn't afraid to explore new horizons.'

His entire Hinge profile was just pictures of him holding different craft beers, and the only 'new horizon' he mentioned was a new brewery opening with better parking.

He said he was looking for a woman who 'doesn't take herself too seriously' in his dating app bio.

I made one joke about his NFT collection, and suddenly I'm 'toxic.'

I was running late for work and spilled coffee all over my shirt

So, I monologued to myself in the mirror, 'It's not just a stain, it's a metaphor for the chaos that is my life,' and then I walked out the door like I was in a Scorsese film.