I've been taking private lessons from a professional seamstress, and she's been teaching me how to make a perfect stitch, get in deep, and really pull it all together.

Now I can finally finish that torn pair of pants.

I've been dating a girl who's into ghosting, which is weird because

I'm starting to think she's just into haunt-ing me after sex.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional dominatrix, and she's always trying to make our relationship more exciting.

But honestly, the only thing she's really dominating is my credit card.

My girlfriend asked me to help her with a new recipe last night. She said it needed a lot of careful preparation, a firm grip, and then I really had to beat it hard until it was stiff and peaked, ready for her to spread it out and enjoy.

Turns out she was just making meringue.