So I was out in the garden trying to plant some new flowers today. I accidentally dug up a whole bunch of old potatoes that had been left in the ground from last year.

I guess you could say it was a real 'spud' awakening!

My wife told me to buy a new calendar.

I told her there was no point, its days are numbered anyway.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.