What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised.

So I was at the garden center with my kids, and we saw a beautiful display of flowers and plants. The kids were amazed by all the different colors and smells, and we started learning about the different types of blooms. I asked the gardener what his favorite flower was to grow, and he said it was

the pick of the bunch

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired!