My phone just prompted me to 'Clear tabs and free up space.'

And I thought, 'Honey, if you could see the tabs open in my *brain* right now, you'd just give up and restart.'

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said 'Dog dad seeking same'

Like, are you looking for a girlfriend or a playdate for your bulldog?

I saw a TikTok where a woman showed her 'five-minute, natural glow' makeup routine.

Five minutes for her, maybe. For me, that's five minutes just to decide if I even *need* to put on a bra today.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'minimalist'

His apartment had 12 video game consoles and a signed poster of himself