I've been thinking, marriage is like a GPS navigation system

because it starts out saying 'recalculating your life' and eventually just says 'arriving at your destination, love you, turn left'

My wife and I have a flawless system for deciding what to watch on TV.

I suggest five shows, she vetoes them all, and then we watch whatever she was already planning to watch.

I asked the bride this morning if she had any last-minute jitters about standing up in front of all these people.

She looked at me and said, 'Not at all! I'm just worried about standing up to *him* for the rest of my life!'

When my wife and I were dating, I'd bring her flowers just because.

Now, if I bring home the correct brand of paper towels, she looks at me like I just won the lottery.