My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'

My boss asked if I had any 'passion projects.'

Yeah, affording rent.

My boomer dad told me, 'You gotta network!'

My network is a WhatsApp group for finding free furniture on the street.

My boss asked for our "personal growth goals" this quarter.

I told him mine was successfully ignoring all LinkedIn articles about "crushing it."