My dog is a terrible poker player because he always shows his paws.

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

I went to the store to buy some fancy cheese for a party, but they were all out of my favorite kind. I asked the clerk if they had any more in the back, but he just shook his head.

He said, 'Sorry, we're all out of gouda options!'