I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like, 'Honey, can I turn the thermostat down?' is actually just code for 'Can I still be in charge of something?'

I've been married for a few years now, and I've learned that the key to a happy marriage is

separate bathrooms, and not just because of the toilet paper roll thing.

They say marriage is all about compromise.

Which, in our house, means I get to control the thermostat... when my wife isn't looking.

When my wife and I were dating, I'd bring her flowers just because.

Now, if I bring home the correct brand of paper towels, she looks at me like I just won the lottery.