My financial advisor told me I really needed to diversify my assets.

I told him, 'Don't worry, I already have a very well-rounded portfolio.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional clockmaker, and she's always trying to get me to

wind her up

I've been dating a girl who's a talented architect, and she's always trying to design the perfect bedroom

But honestly, I think she's just trying to build a case for why I'm always on top

My golf instructor told me I needed to loosen my grip, adjust my stance, and really follow through with my shaft for a better shot.