Why did the candy store owner love Valentine's Day?

Because it was a sweetheart of a deal.

Are you a Valentine's Day rose?

Because you're a little prickly, but I'm still stuck on you

Are you a Valentine's card?

Because you're covered in glitter... and now my whole house is too.

I've been trying to find my perfect match on dating apps

but so far, it's just been a series of swipes, disappointment, and proof that my friends were wrong when they said I'm a catch