I'm celebrating Valentine's Day this year by

reorganizing my Netflix queue into 'lonely nights' and 'even lonelier nights' categories.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Because you just landed on my foot, and I'm pretty sure I heard something crack.

Some people spend Valentine's Day searching for their soulmate.

I'm just trying to decide if my soulmate is the pizza delivery guy or the remote control.

I've come to realize that my love life is like a recipe for disaster.

It's got all the right ingredients: loneliness, disappointment, and a pinch of desperation.