My parents always said they wanted me to have a better life than them.

Now it looks like the only thing I'm inheriting is their economic anxiety.

My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'

I'm really trying to plan for the future.

My long-term plan is just to survive long enough to see the next season of whatever I'm binging.

I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'