So I was at the coffee shop this morning, and the barista accidentally spilled some coffee all over the counter. He looked really flustered and apologized profusely.

I told him not to worry, because sometimes you just gotta *espresso* yourself.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

I went to the doctor and said, 'Doc, I've been feeling a little chicken lately.'

He said, 'Don't worry, it's just a fowl mood.'

Why did the clock go to the therapist?

It had too many ticks.