I bought a bunch of bananas at the store yesterday, but when I got home, I noticed one of them looked really sad and bruised. It was practically falling apart.

I guess it was feeling un-peel-y.

I told my wife she was going to be a great musician, but she didn't believe me.

Now she's a maestro of disappointment, but I still think she's a note-worthy singer.

Why did the bicycle fall over?

Because it was two tired!

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged