My girlfriend told me she loves foreplay.

I told her, 'Great, because I usually need about an hour and a half just to get my socks off.'

I was helping my neighbor prepare her garden last weekend. She said we needed to get down on our knees, really open up the soil, and plant some fresh seeds deep into the fertile ground. She even said the longer and harder we worked, the better the yield would be.

It was exhausting, but by the end of the day, we had a magnificent bed of tulips ready to burst.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional welder, and she's always trying to get me to help her join two pieces together in a strong and lasting bond.

She says it's all about the penetration and the heat of the moment.

My girlfriend told me she really wanted me to listen to her and pay attention to her every need in bed.

So I got down on my knees and just waited for her to tell me what to do.