I've been practicing my Valentine's Day skills

by lovingly cooking a solo meal, and then arguing with myself over who left the dishes in the sink

Some people spend Valentine's Day searching for their soulmate.

I'm just trying to decide if my soulmate is the pizza delivery guy or the remote control.

My Valentine's Day plans involve a very deep, very passionate relationship...

...with an entire pizza I don't have to share.

Why did the heart go to the art museum on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a work of art to its soulmate