I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's like searching for a needle in a haystack, or in my case, a needle in a sea of singles

Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're redeemable in my heart and I want to cash in on our love

My Valentine's Day plans usually involve a very specific type of bouquet.

A pizza box, surrounded by breadsticks.

My ideal Valentine's Day date doesn't involve fancy restaurants or grand romantic gestures.

It involves a comfy couch, my favorite takeout, and absolutely no small talk about our 'future'.