I'm really trying to get my finances in order.

But my most expensive hobby is currently 'being alive.'

I've been trying to afford a house, but it seems like the only thing I can actually buy is avocado toast

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I've been trying to practice mindfulness in therapy

but I keep finding myself pondering existential dread during meditation instead of my breath