He said he was looking for a woman who 'doesn't take herself too seriously' in his dating app bio.

I made one joke about his NFT collection, and suddenly I'm 'toxic.'

I saw a guy's Instagram story where he called himself a 'free spirit'

but his posts were just 12 identical pictures of his beard from different angles

My morning commute isn't just traffic.

It's the opening credits of my own indie film, complete with a custom soundtrack, dramatic lighting, and me staring pensively out the window, knowing that *this* is the montage where I find my true calling.

I've started following all the fashion bloggers who post about 'aging gracefully' and 'embracing my natural beauty'

which is just code for 'I'm 30 now and have to buy better moisturizer'