I was at the post office sending a package,

but I didn't just mail it, I 'released it into the universe, letting go of the past and embracing the uncertainty of its journey, as the soundtrack of my life swelled in the background'.

He asked me on our first date what I was truly passionate about.

My brain immediately went to 'finding a dry shampoo that works without making my hair feel like a helmet' before I remembered to say 'my career goals.'

My coffee order was wrong this morning.

And I didn't just ask for it to be remade. I gave the barista a slow, dramatic stare, as if this minor inconvenience was the inciting incident for my entire origin story.

My favorite pair of jeans are the ones I bought three years ago because they were 'a little loose.'

Now they require a full body exhale and a prayer to the denim gods just to get past my knees.