My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

I'm shell-shocked by how much I spent on seashells at the beach today

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!