I love how self-care ads always say 'take a few minutes for yourself each day'

like I can just carve out a tranquil oasis between my 3 PM meeting and 3:05 PM panic attack

I love how some skincare products claim to be 'anti-aging' as if they're not just delaying the inevitable

My main character energy is so potent, that when my Wi-Fi went out this morning...

...I didn't just troubleshoot it. I paced dramatically, stared out the window with a pensive expression, and waited for the inspiring background music to kick in so I could have my 'aha!' moment.

I finally blocked out an hour for 'self-care' last night.

I spent 15 minutes trying to find the right guided meditation on YouTube, 20 minutes wondering if my face mask was expired, and the last 25 minutes stress-cleaning my bathroom before I could relax.