My rock climbing instructor told me I needed to improve my grip.

I told him, 'Funny, my girlfriend always tells me I've got a fantastic grip.'

My financial advisor told me I need to be more aggressive with my assets...

...and diversify my portfolio by spreading it around.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional welder, and she's always trying to get me to help her join two pieces together in a strong and lasting bond.

She says it's all about the penetration and the heat of the moment.

My girlfriend asked me to fix a really stubborn clog in the shower last night. I had to get down on my knees, work it hard and deep with a long, flexible rod, and really thrust it in until it finally came loose.

The drain's running perfectly now, but I think I pulled a muscle.