My girlfriend spent an hour in the dressing room yesterday trying on new pants.

When she finally emerged, she sighed and said, "It was a tight squeeze, and took a lot of maneuvering, but I think I'm really going to enjoy these."

My girlfriend wanted to try role-playing in bed last night.

I told her I'd be the mailman, but she'd have to wait outside naked and I'd just leave the package on the porch.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more spontaneous in bed.

So I just started shouting 'SURPRISE!' every time I came.

I went on a date with a woman who said she was looking for a man who could 'go all night long'.

I told her I could definitely stay awake for eight hours, but she seemed less impressed when I clarified I meant binge-watching a documentary about competitive cheese rolling.