I've been dating a girl who's into bondage, and I have to say, it's been a real commitment.

Why did the man bring a screwdriver on his first date?

He wanted to take things to the next level.

I told my girlfriend she was amazing in bed, and she asked me to be more specific.

So I said, 'You're great at hiding the evidence, but sometimes I feel like I'm the one being investigated.'

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'