Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

I went to the doctor and said I had a problem with my ears.

He said, 'Don't worry, it's just a hollow feeling.'

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

My wife told me to buy a new calendar.

I told her there was no point, its days are numbered anyway.