Dirty Joke Archive

I've been dating a girl who's a cartographer, and she's always trying to map out our relationship.

I guess you could say she's looking for a little more territory to explore.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to grow some herbs in the garden.

I told her I was more into deep rooting and extensive ground cover.

I've been dating a girl who's into ghosting, which is weird because

I'm starting to think she's just into haunt-ing me after sex.

I've been dating a girl who's into bondage, and I have to say, it's been a real commitment.

I've been dating a girl who's into erotic photography, and she asked me to pose for her.

Now I'm a model, but only in the classical sense – I'm only good for a few positions.

Why did the man bring a compass on his date?

He wanted to take their relationship in a new direction.

Why did the couple bring a dictionary on their honeymoon?

They wanted to define their relationship

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

Why did the man bring a screwdriver on his first date?

He wanted to take things to the next level.

I've been dating a girl who's really into polyamory, and I have to say, it's been a real learning experience.

Now I know what it's like to be in a relationship, a backup plan, and a participation trophy all at the same time.

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

I told my date I was a master of seduction and could make any woman swoon.

She just laughed and said I was just a bass player.

Why did the couple's relationship go to therapy after a romantic getaway?

It had a little 'island' to work through

I've been dating a girl who's really into role-playing in the bedroom

But honestly, I'm getting a little tired of being the defendant

I've been taking classes to improve my thrusting technique, and my instructor says I have a lot of potential for deep development.

I've been dating a girl who's into tantric sex, which is all about prolonging the experience.

Now I know why her Netflix subscription is still active after 6 months of us watching the same episode of 'Stranger Things'.

I told my girlfriend she was amazing in bed, and she asked me to be more specific.

So I said, 'You're great at hiding the evidence, but sometimes I feel like I'm the one being investigated.'

Why did the couple bring a magnet on their anniversary date?

They wanted to attract some old sparks.

I've been trying to improve my relationships by taking a wine and paint class

Now I'm better at handling brushstrokes, but still struggling to find a good blend

I've been taking private lessons to improve my penetration skills

Now I'm a champion archer